So...I made it to Australia...finally

As some of you may be aware, my girlfriend is Australian and I'm English, well on the 22nd June I *finally* made it to see my girlfriend. Considering I started my journey on the 19th, you can understand the "finally".

Some witty banter on the toilet roll holder in Heathrow:

The flights...well not to mince words, the flights were absolute hell. Moreso than the last time I remember them. Started off in good cheer with a 40 minute (I think) BA flight from Manchester Airport to London, after all the teary goodbyes to my family, I was off and arrived all fine at London Heathrow for the 2 hour wait for my flight to Singapore which, by the way, was NOT told to me by the travel agent.

An illegal take-off photo:

I was under the impression that it was a direct flight to Melbourne and even asked her numerous times "So it definitely doesn't stop off anywhere before then?" but anyway, it happened and that was fine. Gave me a chance to stop off and have a couple of cigs in the greatest humidity I could have ever dreamed of.

The wing of the airbus:

On the flight there, I was stuck in a window seat all the way, even though I specified aisle and tried my luck asking the couple sitting next to me if we could switch which they obviously didn't want to (fair enough). However, it was a Qantas flight and even though I was in economy, there was a perfectly fine amount of legroom and even a little space between myself and the  window, so all was good and they were a nice couple whose name now escapes me (of course - see the soliloquy about "single serve friends on planes" in the awesome film "Fight Club" to understand where I'm coming from).

At one point in the 12-13 hour flight, I actually scurried out of the seat prison to the toilet and just stood around talking to people for an hour. Yes I was that toilet goblin who forced you to talk with him while he stretched on QF10. Good times, eh?

In Singapore I turned on my phone to find a message from my lovely girlfriend. "Aww that's nice" you may be thinking; it read as follows:

"Please text me whenever you get this. This bloody volcano is an arsehole."

Which...*isn't* really what you want to hear when you're in an airport, soon to take a plane to the very place that has been having disruptions due to the Chilean volcano...after some foraying back and forth of texts, I found out that the Aussie news was saying that all flights into Adelaide and out of Melbourne had been grounded for safety reasons. Oh joy.

Anyway, one 8-9 hour flight later with a screaming baby (but this time an aisle seat donated by a girl I met in the airport who was doing exactly the same thing as I was - working holiday visa to be with her partner - she preferred the window, so awesome, anyway, after that you hit the goddamn Aussie customs line. And by line I mean population as in it could legally constitute a separate state with how many people were in it. That took about half an hour of my life, but I got through no problems - no great big interview or anything (which I was expecting), just an "enjoy your stay" after exchanging a few friendly words with a passport inspector which cheered me up. Then the same huge queue to collect my bag and go one-by-one through the...bag...man? I don't know his proper title.

About 10 single serve friends later, I made it to the check-in desk which, as I expected, told me no flight to Adelaide. Got their information to reclaim my money and high-tailed it to the city-link bus to the coach station for a ticket to Adelaide. Of course, the "20 minute" bus journey became roughly 45 minutes and when I got to the bus station, I was told the soonest bus they had was the next morning (it was about 10:00am local time). Yeah. Awesome.

So, hotel down road, check in, get breakfast, watch TV blah blah, end up sleeping (for the first time in 2 days) at 3.30pm local time after a riveting episode of "Charlie's Angels". When I woke up, decided a smoke will make things better, and as I was having  one a guy across the road parked about 2 feet over the parking line in a clamping/fining area, mentioned he might want to back up a bit and received...a rather aggressive and unfriendly reaction (Aussies hate criticisms of their shit driving) The conversation was as follows:

"You might want to back up a bit there mate, you're a bit over the line."
"What?"
"You might want to back up a bit there."
"What?"
"You're over the line; you might want to back up a bit there."
"Do you want my keys and you can get in and park it?"
*confused*"...no?"
"Then why don't you shut the fuck up then?"

This is getting really long so I'll cut it short: one 11 hour bus journey later sitting next to a "psychic", Christian monarchist (the very antithesis of myself), I arrived to see my beautiful girlfriend on the 22nd June 2011.

A photo taken on the coach journey:

TL;DR
29hours 40minutes total travel time.
Flight cancelled, coach got.
Don't criticise an  Australian man's driving.
I got here.

Currently:
Awaiting my tax file number so I can legally work.
Awaiting response from Qantas for the outstanding $200(ish).
More in love now than ever.
Psyching myself up to deal with a long overdue Aussie summer...

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More internet censorship proposed for the UK

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British Prime Minister, David Cameron has agreed with the Mother’s Union boss, Reg Bailey that the Internet needs to be censored for the “protection” of an increasingly sexualised population of children. Using such methods of blocking websites on smart phones and...

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Corruption in Parliament.

Photo taken by me.

A sad day for believers in a democratic state

At work today, I got involved in a conversation about general crime in the area (which has been steadily increasing over the past 10 years perhaps). When I mentioned the film "V for Vendetta", a classic, I must add, and described it as "a bleak future of an oppressive regime or police state", I was horrified to find that the person I was discussing this with  said: "That's how it should be." Can this possibly be the way anyone thinks!?


To believe that a Government should be allowed total control and rule over a people without their say is akin to saying that one wishes terrorists to be in charge and to wilfully give our civil liberties away. Can we trust any one person or group to actually hold our civil liberties back and trust that they will not take advantage? No. tried and tested: look at Stalin's Russia, look at what's happening in the middle East at the moment...how can anyone be in agreement with a police state?


It's these small liberties such as freedom of speech and expression that makes a country undeniably strong. If we look towards America, though I think they could use tighter gun control, it's absolutely brilliant that their constitution actually states that every American has the right to "bear arms", due to the way in which the country was reclaimed from Great Britain. Basically, and to quote from "V": people should not be afraid of their Government. A Government should be afraid of their people.


The masses should hold the power, be it though a vote or a revolution. A step further from this would be anarchy. It's difficult to agree with anarchy, however, as it would be near-impossible to organise a people and the fact that the use of the word has been bastardised beyond recognition to include such slogans as "Conservatives out, Anarchists in" in the recent London protests leads me to believe that no, it is not what most would want.


Activist groups such as Anonymous are heroes for the people this day-in age; defending liberty and enforcing justice is one of the most admirable things I could imagine. Again, this is an ideal taken from both the book and the film, "V for Vendetta. Don't let your Government rule you, make your Government be ruled by you.

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Picture taken by me

Being in the audience for the finale of "Penn and Teller Fool Us"

So, this is pretty much my first blog post that wasn’t directed from an article which I wrote for various other sites. Last Friday (Friday 20^th 2011) I and a few friends went to be audience members in the show airing on ITV1 in England, “Penn & Teller Fool Us”.

These guys are real idols of mine (and I don’t have many; I’m not one to be easily star-struck, but these guys along with, for example, Derren Brown are some real inspirational people to me). I will honour the fact that, although obviously I’m not contractually obliged, they asked us not to disclose any specifics such as whether or not they were fooled or any other major specifics of the show. All I will say is it was a great show to be a part of and I can’t wait to see how it edits onto TV; we were told that the particular episode we were seeing (the finale of the series) was to be aired on the 18^th June.

I say this in such high spirits, despite the fact that it was an extended wait of about 2 hours and we were in there for approximately 4-5 hours as they needed to do pick-up shots for earlier shows and such. The guys were absolute gems about it, Penn Jillette even literally came out and basically said “Look guys, we’re sorry about this, we’re only going to rehearse for 10 minutes and it’ll be shit, but we’ll get you in faster,” which I really appreciated and must say, they were spot on, even to the point of them deciding that to reward us for our patience in the re-shooting of introductions by Jonathan Ross, they’d give us a look at another one of their tricks (I won’t say which one) and it was absolutely brilliant. How Teller (it was Teller solo) managed to prepare and perform this trick on the cusp was beyond me.

It was even amplified for me from a personal perspective as, when they were preparing this trick, I was in pain I needed to go the toilet so bad, so I was taken to the toilets backstage, had a quick slash and wasn’t allowed back into my seat as it would involve interrupting the filming. Because of this, I was given the opportunity of watching from the side-lines which was absolutely brilliant. I even had Penn literally walking past me as I was watching. I thought about saying hello or patting him on the back or something but I was too intimidated to even make eye contact (again, not easily star-struck, so this was new to me). Also, I respected his privacy, I mean there was no security to speak of there, I could have just walked up to him, but I wouldn’t want little weirdoes salavating at the thought of meeting me.

Which brings me to my next point about the show: I was truly shocked by the incredible non-existence of the security whilst filming was going on. Literally not one bodyguard or any form of security staff – just the crew and the ushers. For this, I certainly respect them both – the fact that they hadn’t let fame go to their heads. Perhaps it was something to do with the fact that they are not as well known in England as they obviously are in America, so they don’t get rushed in the streets or anything, but I don’t know. It’s just speculation on my part.

About 2 hours or so before we were let in, in fact, the pair of them literally walked past the queue for their own show and the only person to notice was my friend, Mike who shouted “Waheyyy!” at them. They acknowledged him, perhaps out of duty and walked on their way without hindrance. I heard a rumour that they even got the tube in, but as I say, it’s an unconfirmed rumour.

Anyway, a quick mention of Jonathan Ross: he was funny, kept the crowd morale up in between filming and even gave us a little inside-look at one of his own magic tricks he later showed P&T…it all went wrong for him of course, but hey, he tried. ;)

On my friend’s behalf, I wish to apologise to Penn & Teller for the idiot he must have looked to them (he felt really bad about it afterwards) and want to thank them for a brilliant show and for thinking of the fans over themselves. Great show, tune in on ITV to watch it, I wish I could have had the courage to talk to them, but there ya go.

If anyone’s interested I got the tickets for free through the official website: www.sroaudiences.com Check ‘em out if you’re interested in being in the audience for any shows. 

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